Do you remember how it was, when you were young? When you were a kid, without a care in the World? Do you remember your parents and how they were involved in your everyday life, play-time, school?
I started thinking about my childhood and the role of my parents more intense, when my two kids became age 7 and 8. Why? Because I started to feel like I am not giving them enough “freedom”, enough credit, that they can do something on their own.. That I started “over-parenting” as the modern expression is often used.
What does “over-parenting” even mean? Can it be true that we as parents are too involved in our child’s life? Is our parenting to centered on them? The way I see it, is that we try so hard to be with our kids all the time, from crafting to playgrounds, from childcare to school and after-school activities. We want to provide them with everything, make sure they are not missing on anything.
On the other hand, the way of life is so fast, the working hours often become evening hours. With that kind of working life, I often read and hear about “the guilt” of full-time working moms. They struggle with balancing work and family and I know it can be really challenging to do so. It seems that today, either you work all the time or you don’t work. The middle way is often hard to achieve, especially for moms.
It is quite contradictory, what we are doing. On one hand we want our children to grow into an independent, self-confident adults, who know the right from wrong, but yet we are always by their sides, telling them what to do or not to do and how to do it?! Not giving them a chance to make mistakes, a chance to learn something on their own, just to let them be.. Tell me, how can they learn?
So, if you have kids of the age of 7 or 8, you probably noticed that they started communicating with you on a different level. At least I noticed that. Simply saying “because I told you so” doesn’t work anymore. And it shouldn’t. They are quite a little adults at this age, they want to understand the process of making decisions, choices. They need to feel, understand and take responsibility for their actions.
I started treating my kids differently, talking to them in a different way, more compromising, taking them into count, let them make plans for our family activities. But still I make sure I don’t cross the line between being a parent and being a “friend”. With that line crossed, it can backfire and you lose respect and authority. To set the boarders is as important as giving them freedom to make decisions on their own.
Let them make mistakes, let them fall, don’t protect them from everything, give them a chance they stand up for themselves. Nothing is given in life, we all have to earn everything. Don’t build a World for them, build a life with them. Teach them to work hard, to love, to laugh, to cry, to hurt,..It’s all the learning process of life. teach them how to live.
I know I am far from perfect, but trying to be my best. I am learning as I go, realizing that every age my kids go trough, brings new challenges to overcome. Some easier, some tougher but with each we grow, we learn and we overcome it.
Hi! Stopping by from Mom Bloggers Club. Great blog!
Have a nice day!
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Tnx, Veronica! Have a great day..
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My parents didn’t let me do much on my own but I am actively trying to be different with my teenager. He goes to places on the bus and has been allowed to do so much more than I ever was, but I think it is important. He isn’t suddenly going to be an adult at 18, these years are about growing into one. #bigpinklink
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It’s a fine line between smothering and being protective. I am sure our parents felt the same, but there are different pressures these days. We just have to do what we think is right #TwinklyTuesday
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Completely agree with you!
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I think it’s difficult. As a teacher it’s easier in a way for me to see just how much kids are capable of from a young age. With my six year olds I put them in charge of their learning as much as possible. There has definitely been a shift in thinking of recent years and that is ensuring children are questioning so that they do become independent thinkers. Great blog. X #twinklytuesday
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You make a good point here, it is tough keeping a thin line in the world of parenting.
#twinklytuesday
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My mind always goes into overdrive a little, when I read posts like this!! There’s so many different ways of parenting, and nobody ever knows if they’re doing it right or wrong! But I agree, that there seems to be a lot of ‘helicopter’ parenting nowadays-parents hovering over their children’s every move. I really want to give my children freedom, and I really need to make sure they go to a school where there are winners at sports day (some of our local schools have a ‘no winners’ policy, where everyone is proclaimed a winner, no matter where they placed-I know, crazy.) As I think that this ridiculous culture will make my children entitled, and grow to believe everything will go their way in life, and that there won’t be winners and losers-which in a work environment, there clearly will be!! I’m still figuring out how much freedom is the right amount, I just hope I get it mostly right!!
#bigpinklink
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Thank you for sharing your view.. Some great points there we could discuss further..
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Agree with your words completely. I hope to teach my children that everything in life must be earned rather than handed to them, but I do believe we must let them make their own mistakes for the sake of learning (within reason of course, not just letting them ruin their lives of course haha) #twinklytuesdays
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It’s all about finding a balance between being too easy going and too manic, and I think you’ve nailed it!
Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes 🙂
Debbie
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Thank you!
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