There are a lot of things that makes us who we are in our lives. One of them is the relationship with our grandparents.
There are grandparents on your mothers and on your father’s side, and for most of us, the ties weren’t quite the same..
At least I can say, hat I had two very different relationships with my grandparents.
First, let me talk about my granny on my father’s side. I had a strong connection with her. I spent holidays and summer vacations with her, she was my shoulder to cry on, she understood everything, gave her all and never ask for anything in return. But she passed away at the age of 63 and it was heartbreaking for me. It took me a lot of time to get over her being gone and till this day, the one thing I wish the most is that she would be here, so my kids would have known her. She truly gave unconditional love. She was the warmest, kindest and the most giving person I have ever known. And I thank God that she was in my life.
Then there are grandparents on my mother’s side and as much as I love them, this relationship has been completely different. Maybe because we were living together or just because it is natural, to have different relationships with different people, grandparents or not. But still there were things that bothered me as I was older and most important, those things definitely bothered my parents and as a result started to affect our family. We were living in the same house, had the same entrance, same hall, only the floors were different. So you get the picture that we were together always. It seems now, like I had four parents. Even though I loved being with them when I was younger it started to pressure me when I grew older… I saw the tension between my parents and them, I saw the tension it was causing between my parents.. I wished things would be different.
So I know that there is a line between the parenting of parents and relationship with grandparents. I experienced it. And that is not a good line to cross. Not for parents, not for grandchildren. That is why me and my husband decided that we will live on our own, with just enough distance between both of our parents, that allows us to see each other every day or once a week.
I have a great relationship with my in-laws and my parents. My kids have a strong bond with all of them. I admit, there are times when me and my husband have to “reset” some boundaries, but we try to complicate as little as possible. I know that their rules will never be the same as our rules, and they shouldn’t be. I know that grandparents will always be there to spoil my kids a little, giving a lot of attention to them, doing the things, us parents don’t.. As long as there is respect from my kids to their grandparents and mutual respect between grandparents and me and my husband, there is no need to “over – interfere”.
This is the story, based on the thoughts that other moms shared with me. A big, fat thank you to you:
I deeply appreciate it.
So, the one thing we all have in common is, that we all want our kids to have a good relationship with their grandparents and that grandparents are irreplaceable in the process of our kids growing up. I know, that there are times, when you feel irritated or you feel like they are spoiling your kids too much, and the quote When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window (Ogden Nash) comes in place, but I believe that a good, honest talk can solve the problems. And also mutual respect as Barbara says.
It’s OK to set some rules, but don’t over do it. It takes away the charm and the fun..I also like one sentence of one of the moms, who said that it is important that her children learn that every household has different rules, and how to adapt and be flexible to different schedules and expectations.
Grandparents can also be of great help, if we only let them help us.. They have experience, advice, why not take some of it? Don’t be too proud. If you see closely, you will notice that your children are learning things, little things that only grandparents teach them. Ask them about it, you will see how proud they are of them!
I can see that many of you had a strong bond with your grandparents and you pass it onto your kids. Some of you live far apart, some of you live close by. Never mind the distance, the love of grandparents is just as strong, only you get to miss them more, when you’re more than just a step away.
You see, grandparents have this magical touch, that makes all the trouble disappear, grandmas bake the sweetest pies and cakes, they are full of compassion, they listen and accept without words. Granddad shelter and protect from harm and they are full of wisdom. And they are full of tricks of how to make a candy magically appear.. They love their grandchildren unconditionally, grandchildren give them new strength, they make them proud.
Why would anyone want to break that bond or make the rules on how it should be. It is the bond of life, just as important as the bond with parents. It teaches values, it teaches compassion, it teaches that love comes in different shapes and sizes.