Remember that time, before you had your kids but planning to have them in the future, when you would see a mom and her child and always have an opinion on how you would react in that situation, how you would be as a mom, or more likely, all the things you would never do as a mom?
I remember and it backfired me big time..I admit. There are quite a lot things I swore I would never do as a Mother, but am now doing it. Why? In order to survive and keep my sanity.
Never yell at my kids
Yeah, that turned out just great..
You see, I had a neighbor, that was really loud, always shouting at her kids. It sounded awful. And I swore I would never ever be that kind of mom..Well, what can I say, sometimes it gets to me. When it’s for the hundred time the same word, the same warning, you just can’t keep calm, can you? I applaud all the moms who can! You are my heroes!(and please comment below and teach me how to..;) And I yell, and it feels good for the first two seconds but right after I feel like sh… And I tell myself, next time I will do better, but it’s like there’s a button inside me, that my two little monsters know just how to push. And turn me into momzilla..
Never be that nagging mom, who doesn’t allow anything
Well, I really don’t know how this happened but at a certain point it did. My every answer would be NO. I started questioning, why am I acting this way? And let me tell you the answer – I was tired, exhausted. I didn’t want to deal with a hundred things a day.. But you see, it made me bitter, it made my kids cranky, disobeyed. Nobody was happy. But it was just a phase, a station on my road of motherhood. And I moved on.
Being more of a YES mom than a NO mom has definitely made us a happier family. But still, the limits remain. And sometimes NO is the right answer.
Never lie to my kids
This is something for your sanity..To survive. Don’t get me wrong, I am not talking about real lies, but about those little ones, that makes your day as a mom a little easier.
Like, tell them that their favorite cartoon isn’t on today but will be tomorrow just so you can put them to bed a little early and have some alone time with your husband or by yourself.
Before Christmas, telling them that Santa is watching them, if they behave or there will be no gifts this year..Hmmm, like that ever happens…
Telling them, that if they don’t hurry up, you will leave without them.(when they get older, it doesn’t work anymore, by the way)
Or, when you go hiking, never really tell them exactly how long it takes to get to the top..”Yes, we’re almost there, just a little bit more.”.(for the next hour or so..)
“If you don’t finish your dinner, I will never cook again.”
“I will take all of your toys and give them to someone else!”, when my kids are fighting over one toy, like there is no other thing to play with..
And probably much more, but who counts, right?
Never be overprotective and overparenting
Maybe this could go into the same group as being a no mom, but still there’s something more to tell. I believe this is a problem for most parents. Being overprotective, overparenting your kids. It means that you don’t give them enough freedom or credit to do something on their own.
My kids are now 7 and 8. And I started to question, if I am letting them enough space for them to feel like they can contribute to our family. With their ideas, help, actions. And the answer wasn’t so brilliant. See, as your kids grow older, you have to adapt, change your ways of parenting. Suddenly you have a person that isn’t just your child, but someone you can plan with, discuss with, compromise with. They become the active part of your family equation.
I had to let go of that need to keep them safe from everything and everyone, to make the best decisions for them and to take full responsibility for them. I learned that they have to learn to stand on their own, make their own decisions, take their own responsibility in order for them to grow into self-confident, proud adults, with ability to take action, make decisions and be active. My job is to be there for them, helping them with advice, support, love.
For all of those “not yet mommies”, that see me in the playground, sidewalk or in shopping malls..I know I yell at my kids and I know it doesn’t look “good” to watch. I know I’m nagging and you might think I am hard to be around. I know it looks funny if I carry my 7-year-old in my lap..But I do. This is me. I also used to think that this is exactly how I don’t want to be. And I know you do too. I’ve been there, where you are, and look at me now. Let me just say: We all think we will be this great and cool mom, but wait till you have kids! And welcome to Motherhood!