I was reading an article just the other day, about children’s self-esteem and how to raise a child with self-confidence and a high self-esteem. It made me wonder, so I decided to write a post on it.
My kids are now in 2nd and 3rd grade of Elementary school. I noticed that this is the age, when it really starts to show how high or low your child’s self-esteem is. At least I’ve started noticing that. Before, when they were little, I never paid to much attention on their confidence. They were always communicative, always happy and never troubled more than “normal”…
Even though they are less than one year apart and that my parenting ways were and still are the same for both of them, they couldn’t be more different. My daughter is a creative genius, very social, outgoing, loud, loves performing. My son is quieter, a little shy, but is math genius, explorer of nature and musician. So I used to think that the character can influence on someones self-esteem but I was proved wrong..Because in this case, my daughter should be bursting with self-esteem, but yet..
What I’ve started to notice with my daughter:
- she avoids tasks before trying, when she feels that she’ll be no good at it
- she would act quite childish and silly when she gets the feeling she’s not great at something or doesn’t know the answer
- she has self-critical moments, when she feels she’s not good enough
- she would act bossy and troubled just to hide her insecurity
What I’ve noticed with my son:
- he often wants to quit when things get hard
- sometimes he has trouble making true friendships
- he rarely stands up for himself
This was all listed as signs of low self-esteem with your child. I was quite bumped by this eye-opening, but started wondering: “What am I doing wrong here?”or is this just a stage in development, where the role of me and my husband will be of significant importance?
I know that it all starts inside a Family. The way me and my husband behave, talk and listen to each other, love each other, support each other, encourage each other, reflects on my kids and their behavior.
We try our best to provide them with environment, where they feel safe and accepted.
We started giving them goals and directions that they can achieve, so they feel proud of themselves.
We encourage them, support them but don’t make decisions for them (we try, sometimes it just doesn’t work, does it?.). But still set the boundaries.
We let them take responsibility for their actions and choices they make.
We teach them that Failure is not the end of the world, that it is part of success. That it is OK to fail, to fall, but after stand on your feet and try again.
We let them know, we will ALWAYS be there for them. And that we will LOVE them no matter what.
Yet, I don’t have superpowers. I can control our Home but not the OUTSIDE WORLD. It’s beyond me. I just hope that our family prepares them for it, so they will walk around with head held high, feeling strong, with eyes and heart open and with honesty and compassion. So that they will never be afraid of a challenge, trying their best, not afraid of failure and never to proud to ask for help.