Welcome back to Bedroom thrills. In part 2 we will talk about the little changes me and my husband made in order to get our love life back on track.
As I mentioned in part 1, the first steps were quite difficult. All of our energy (at least mine) was focused on our newborn and a 1 year-old. So, not much was left for the evenings. But we made a plan, a plan that allowed us, to have the time and the place to be romantic again.
Claimed our Bedroom back
This was probably the hardest thing to do. Our first born was sleeping in our bedroom for the whole year and when our daughter was born, we moved him in his room, but our daughter remained sleeping in our bedroom trough-out her first year. So, it was a loooong period of time with having kids in our bedroom. Still, we had a sofa that could stretch into a bed, so we did have an improvised bedroom. But it’s not the same by a long shot..So, my advice to anyone, if you have a chance, have your kids sleep in their own room. It makes all the difference. I remember the first night we had our bedroom back to ourselves again (after 2 years!!). It was the most erotic night we had in years. To make love to my husband on our bed, alone and at night!
Sleeping time for kids at 8 pm
Yeah..this is also a hard one. How do you get your toddlers age 1 and 2, to sleep at the same time? With a lot of patience and persistence. It took us about half an hour each evening to put them to sleep. That was till they were age 3 and 4, when putting them to bed took only 10 minutes. At least they were “good sleepers”, they didn’t wake up more than one time a night, when they reached the age of four, they were sleeping safe and sound trough-out the night. With sleeping time at 8 pm, we had plenty of time to decide what we wanted to do. So, I put on your heart, if you want to work not only on your relationship but also on yourself, don’t keep your kids up late, put them to bed and have some alone time! The hard work of getting a routine will more then pay off, trust me!
Finding movies you like (and music)
This is a “must do” if you want your romance to come to light again. If you want to watch TV, then watch the movies that will light up the sparkles in your life. Whether it’s romantic comedy, a great thriller or drama, whatever works for you. Something you can then talk about, relate to and drink a glass of wine (which brings me to my next chapter).
Bottle of wine in the fridge
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not for every night and it’s not the whole bottle!;) (accept for special occasions like birthdays or promotion in work or something similar:)). It’s a glass of wine..I don’t have to be drunk to enjoy my husband, but I have to say that after a glass of wine our mood definitely transfers from romantic to a more erotic one..With the right movie to go along it’s a jackpot situation!
Planning our in-door date-nights
This is our special night. Our way of getting on a date without leaving the house. We put our kids to sleep and then we get dressed up for the night. We are both dancers, so we love salsa dancing, salsa music. So, we put on the music and we dance. Even though it is our living room, it doesn’t bother us. We save time and money and we get to dance as much as we want. That is how we then rock the salsa club, when we actually go out (with all the practice we get at home:)). And you know, what I love about it? you can put on your Adam and Eva costume to spice things up (but more about that in part 3..). We usually plan one in-door date-night a week.
Rule No.1 – No talking about our kids on our date night
We talk about our kids all the time, so we decided we won’t talk about them on our date nights. Still it was hard at first. If we weren’t talking about them, I was sure as hell thinking about them. About the things we did that day, about the things we will do tomorrow, analyzing my decisions..But I learned. What happens is that you completely open to your partner again. You don’t have that safety net – kids talk, anymore. It’s just about the two of you. You might hear things you don’t want to hear and you might say things hidden deep down inside of you. You start to heal, to grow. You can fall in love with your husband all over again.
Rule No.2 – Honest talk
It is the continuation of the previous rule. Honest talk will take you places, you might be scared of at first. But if you love each-other you can make it trough. You won’t believe how much stuff builds up in your mind when this honest, open talk is pushed aside. Me and my husband had fair share of fights but in the end we feel a thousand pounds lighter. I have seen that a lot of the problems were created in my mind, simply by not telling my doubts to my husband. After we talked it over, they blew up in smoke. It was that easy.
For me: Get over your body issues (he loves you as you are)
Yeah, the “body talk”with myself and my husband…I believe that every women who became a mother had to deal with it at some point, right? The before and after are just two different worlds. And I remember thinking, how on earth can I feel sexy, with my tummy like a jelly and my boobs hanged down, my hair and skin impacted by hormones…I really wasn’t feeling like dropping down all my clothes and stand in front of my husband looking like that. But then I realized that not standing in front of my husband naked is the real problem. You see, he was there beside me when my body was changing trough the pregnancy, he was there when I gave birth, he sees me every day how I work my butt off for our kids and sees I don’t have the time to go to the gym along the way. He is right there, looking at me, his wife, a mother of his children, saying he loves me. What do I have to be ashamed? Nothing, my ladies. Nothing at all. You see, the problem is only in our head!! You husbands don’t care if you’re size 8 or 12. They probably don’t even know the difference..They only want to be with you, their wife, their partner, the woman they love. So, treat yourself with respect, live healthy, work out and get back in shape as fast or as slow as you want. But never make the excuse that he won’t find you attractive.
For him: Be patient
This is also a continuation of the previous chapter. Be patient with your partner. Men, you have to understand that us, women go trough a lot of changes in a short amount of time. And they are not just psychological changes as they are for men, but also physical changes that perhaps have even greater impact on us an dour behavior. I don’t know why, but women, we have a tendency to blame everything on us. We are full of self-questioning when it comes to being a good mother, a good wife, a good friend…We are under pressure of being perfect. I really don’t know why. That is why, we need your love and support. We need you to be our shoulder to cry on. But that is why we sometimes use you for a pillow to shout on, a boxing bag to punch in and a black ship to blame. That is why sometimes, when all we want is to say “I love you” instead we start a fight. So, please, have patient with us (and keep reminding yourself how much you love us:).
Making love. It is not in the last place because it would not be important, but because it is a cue for part 3 of Bedroom thrills. It is the most amazing, healing process of two becoming one. But only with all of the above taken in..
This plan of ours was the beginning of a beautiful journey that is continuing through today..It was something we needed to hold on to, our savior, our way back to us. But as I said, this was just the beginning, the “essential” as we might call it. It made us open to each-other, it made us feel closer than ever and the whole family had and has benefits from it. We were more relaxed, the tension between us was gone, any argument we had, we talked it trough and resolved it. We were better at compromising and understanding each-other.
But then we took our plan to the next level. Want to know the rest? Join me in part 3 of Bedroom thrills…
If you like what you read, you know the drill..Sharing is caring, but also share your opinions, comments, critics with me and others..You are more than welcome!