How to handle: #siblings fights

how-to-handle-siblings-fights-1

I don’t know why but it seems that siblings fights are some kind of a natural law and have been around since the beginning of time (remember the Bible’s story of Kain and Abel?). My mom and her brother, me and my brother, my husband and his sister, my son and my daughter. The List goes on and on and on…

Now, I am that mother with two fighting little monsters in the house. Looking at them and listening to their fights, brings back memories. It’s like looking in the review mirror. But no longer am I amused by the shouting and the screaming and the never-ending bickering, as I am the one who needs to put up with it!

“This is mine! No, it’s mine! I had it first! No, I had it yesterday!” ……

“You cheat!” “No, I don’t! You do!” “No, I don’t! You’re stupid!””No, you are!”…….

“I’ll tell mom what you said!” “You said it first to me!” “No, you started it!”……

“MOOOM!!! He’s annoying me! No, she’s annoying me!””Mom, he hit me!” “No, I didn’t!”

Rings a bell? Does it makes you wanna:

  • Grab a bottle of wine and/ or ear-plugs?
  • Run out of the house and come back way later?
  • Scream from the top of your lungs, hoping that they will stop?

I have to admit, that many (too many) times it came down to using that last option, that includes a whole lot of yelling, bad mood, emotional exhaustion, judging neighbours (very probably!) and absolutely no positive effect!! The first two option would be way better, looking back:).

I realized that something needed to change, in order to keep my sanity (and voice!) and restore positive balance in our home. The fights were affecting us all, emotionally. I didn’t want my kids to resolve conflicts in this manner. It wasn’t leading anywhere.

How to handle siblings fights, so they learn along the way? Here are my top 6 ways:

  • Let them fight and bicker – but teach them skills of communication

What exactly is the point of the fights and bickering? To get one’s own way, so they feel important, to overrule the other. It’s a natural state of siblings. Teach them to learn from this fights – make them communicate in an open, truthful way, with arguments.

  • Don’t interfere

Let them be. When I first started to leave them deal on their own I was surprised, how quickly the fight was over! Once they realize they won’t get your attention, it’s not at all interesting to fight! Just endure for a few minutes – it’s really worth it! Once they start to communicate in a productive way, your role as a judge is unnecessary.

  • They need to reach agreement and stop the fight!

This is important! Make them talk it out, reach a decision, compromise. They will feel proud of themselves! and you can congratulate yourself for having such wonderful kids:)

  • Teach them how to handle disagreements

Let them know it’s OK to disagree, to have your own opinion. But what’s more important is to teach them to compromise, to consider and accept other’s opinion and reach compromises. That’s what life is isn’t it – compromises;)

  • Talk about love, friendship, family bond every day

We have this talk every day. Make them realize that there’s nothing in this world as important as family, love and friendship. You are their role-model. Be the way you want your kids to be!

  • Accept that some fights will be just that – fights and push trough it. They will pass;). They always do;)

If you still have toddler siblings, you might find some of these ways not as effective and useful as they are with older kids, age 5 or 6. But you know that kids are like sponges, they absorb everything, they listen and hear, they learn, even if we can’t see it on the outside. So, I believe it’s never to early to start but we can be late really quickly! And remember – they see how you’re dealing with disagreements and will most probably do the same themselves!

Me and my kids were reading just the other day a book where friends were fighting over what game they will play. By the end of the book they reached an agreement and were friends again. One of them said:”It’s because we are such good friends and we get along great!” The other said:”No, it’s because we had a fight. Without a fight you cannot work things out!” So, I’ll leave you with this thought…

Mummuddlingthrough

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Cuddle Fairy
My Petit Canard
3 Little Buttons

34 thoughts on “How to handle: #siblings fights

  1. My daughter is an only child so this is one challenge we don’t have but I can understand how very hard it must be and that it drives some parents round the bend so these are some great tips for for those times! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What a lovely post and great insights on how to deal with sibling fights. At the end of the day, they are inevitable aren’t they? I’ve now got two kids, but the youngest is only 6 months, so it’s only a matter of time. Like me with my younger brother, there are 18 months between them, which means they’ll pretty much be on a level par when it comes to fighting each other’s ground by the time they’re at school. The role model piece is so important. My hubby and I do bicker sometimes around the kids and I don’t think it’s such a bad thing that they see it, so long as they see us handling it well and always making up afterwards. It shows that you can still love each other and have disagreements. Communication is key in any relationship isn’t it?! Thanks so much for a lovely read, Ruth. #BloggersClubUK

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh man the sibling fights are what gets to me the most about this whole parenting malarkey. I just end up shouting at them to stop and I hate my shouty self. My kids are 2 and 4 but are both speech delayed and my 4 year old is also globally delayed with possible autism and so he doesn’t get other people’s feelings just yet and is extremely controlling which just makes everything ten times harder. I find the fighting between them so so difficult and I’mean urea my shouting doesn’t help at all but I’m at my wits end. In the nicest possible way, it’s good to read that I’m not alone 😉

    #coolmumclub

    Like

    • You are def not alone. And they are in that age when from my experience is the start of it all and the worst that it gets. From this age on, they will start to communicate better, trust me. I know how it is, shouting at your kids, you feel better for a second and then it just goes downhill. And the effect is quite the opposite, right? I tried conciosly, consistent and disciplined to react in a different way..In time I succeeded to not be triggered by their fights. That alone made some awsome changes!! Wish all the best for your boy!x

      Like

  4. I’m a big believer in the merits and lessons that can be learned from sibling arguments. I draw the line at name-calling, but disputes help them to think on their feet, form an opinion, and argue their point of view. It also helps them to see that other people may think differently to them. #coolmumclub

    Like

  5. Oh yes!! I’m sick of the fighting and sick of hearing myself yell too!! I agree it brings back memories as I used to fight a lot with my younger sisters. I do agree that it’s good to try and let them get on with it and sort issues out themselves. Sometimes it does work!! #CoolMumClub

    Like

    • It does, doesn’t it! I think I did more harm then good, when I was constantly interfering in their arguments. When I changed my ways, they became so much better at dealing with disagreements! With me in between it could take half an hour to calm everybody down – me included, they alone resolve it in 5 minutes!!!If only I knew..;))

      Liked by 1 person

  6. My children are only 3 and 1 and a half and I find them fighting all the time! The youngest one obviously can’t talk yet and most of their fights are around the fact that one has a toy that the other one wants but I can’t help but think about how much they will fight when they are older. Some great tips in here though.

    Amina xx | http://www.AliandHer.com #coolmumclub

    Like

  7. Some fantastic tips here. My 2 year old daughter and 3 year old niece are always fighting, usually because they each want the toy the other has..! My sister and I tend to leave them to try and work things out but they are a little young and a bit selfish yet so more often than not we have to intervene. I especially like your point about toddlers being like sponges. It is so easy to lose our tempers but they notice and absorb everything we do, even at such young ages. So it’s so important for us to try to act in a way we would want them to act. Thank you for such a lovely post.
    #MarvMondays

    Liked by 1 person

    • The age of 2 and 3 is the time they absorve, watch and subconciously learn from us the most. In a year it will show on the outside as well. I know how it is with losing temper:) but we have to know that how we as parents act and behave, so will our kids. They are our mirror. Scary, right? At least for me it is sometimes…I am no angel, if you know what I mean;)

      Liked by 1 person

      • It is scary, we definitely need to watch what we say and how we act because that’s how our children will act. At such a young age children need to be set good examples as what they are learning now has the potential to shape how they will act and react to things when they are older..

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Really good advice here – I only have the one at the moment, but I remember having some dreadful fights with my siblings when we were younger (there were 6 of us, so someone was always arguing with someone at some point – I don’t know how my mum coped!) I’m sure when we have more though we will encounter a few squabbles and I completely agree that you need to let them sort it out themselves #MarvMondays

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I still argue with my middle sister, we’re very different, she’s so laid back and I’m a very anxious, stressy person. Now though it’s about politics rather than her cutting my barbies hair off…#MarvMondays

    Like

    • Really, really appreciate the moments they get along in peace and harmony:)). It’s comming…But that’s the way it should be. it’s natural way for them to learn. And the nature is always right, right?:))

      Like

  10. Great advice. There’s a 5yr age gap between my two and so far the fights aren’t too bad as the older one understands that the 2yr old is young but there are moments when I glimpse the future to come when the youngest develops her voice a bit more!
    #MarvMondays

    Like

  11. My brothers and I used to fight all the time! To be fair we actually still do quite a bit! I know that I’ll have to endure it too once max is a bit older and melia starts bossing him around all the time. I definitely think it’s inevitable #MarvMondays

    Like

  12. Such a thought provoking post. I really like the approaches that you’ve suggested, so much more constructive than shouting, intervening, mediating all the time which can become really tiresome. I love that by doing some of these things they are actually learning really useful life skills as well. I’ll definitely be using this approach with my little ones once they become a little older! Thanks for sharing this on #MarvMondays. Emily

    Like

  13. That is great advice and I completely agree that children need to work out how to deal with arguments and disagreements. We have just the one, but we know that her negotiation and peacemaking skills are being stretched at playgroup. Thank you for sharing with the #dreamteam x

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s