Best of: giving birth and the day after

best-of-1

This is not a post about my experience of child-birth, because there’s nothing much to tell. I had two and they were both over within few hours, had no complications and were in general good experiences. I guess I am one of those who had it easy at giving birth.

But what I wanted to tell you about, are the moments that I now find hilarious but at that moment weren’t as much. The main actors here are doctors, doctor practitioners, midwives and of course my husband!

The evening of child-birth – at home:

Me: Honey, I think we have to go to the hospital. My contractions are 4 min apart!

Husband: OK! Just wait few minutes, I have to shower and shave! We don’t know how long we will be in the hospital!

Me: OK?!!!!!!!

In the hospital:

Seeing my husband in paper slippers, hat and over-cover. Ha, priceless! And he was worried about his beard and smelling good! haha…

Delivery room:

Midwife: You want some pain relievers?

Me: No.

Midwife: I’ll give you some laughing gas.

Me: OK

And I start inhaling and inhaling as the pain goes stronger. And in time I grab my husband and say: This isn’t working!!!

Husband: Oh, honey, you ripped it of the cylinder!

????!!!!!

The birth starts…First there was 1 doctor, then there was 4. One midwife was on top of me, like a sumo fighter jumping on my belly, pushing my baby out! Is that normal? My husband’s look wasn’t too sure about that…Then as baby started to come out, the midwife said to my husband: Do you want to look?

Husband looked and said: What is this?

???????!!!!!!

First day after in hospital room:

You know how you feel after giving birth – it rhymes with fit but couldn’t be further from it! All you want is some peace and quiet, to relax a bit, sleep for the whole 2 minutes and have some alone time.. What a beautiful dream, because I woke up in a nightmare! Imagine, they put you in a room that is already overcrowded with 6 moms and their newborns and the nurses put your bed – stay with me – under the f… window in the middle of the room! You have your newborn in his little bed – that isn’t really a bed but a huge plastic bowl and can’t even take your baby out without making some moves that I’m quite sure newborns aren’t suppose to handle. No place to put your stuff away, with all eyes on you, since you’re the last that came in and you have absolutely no clue of what to do with your baby! I felt like crying, I wanted to go home, I wanted some of that laughing gas – a lot of it.

First check-up for me:

The doctor came in. But so did the ten other doctor practitioners! Should I feel like a star of the day?! Well, I didn’t mind, after all they have to learn, right? Anyway, the check-up starts..

Doctor (to one of the – very scared – practitioner): Can you please check her uterus?

Practitioner: Yes. (comes to me and places HIS hands on my belly. He’s so gentle, I don’t think he can feel anything..

Me: You can press a bit stronger, you know. It doesn’t hurt.

Practitioner (goes all red): No, I’m fine. (turns to the doctor): I don’t feel it. It’s not there.

Me: WTF????!!!!! (just thinking that – where did my uterus go?)

Doctor: Try again, press harder.

Practitioner (presses a tiny little bit harder): Oh, yes, now I can feel it! But what are this lumps here?

Me:??????!!!!!What???

Doctor (finally decides to check it himself): Oh, this are just the muscles. (turns to me): You must be doing sports, right? Everything is just fine, misses.

Me: (the only thing after the s..that went on): OK

Where did my dignity go?

Nurse: Let’s check up your bed. Please stand up.

I stand up.

Nurse: Oh, your bleeding came trough, again. Don’t you have enough sanitary pads? Show me how much do you bleed!

Me (all embarrassed and all) : I have to go to the toilet. (and my dignity out the window)

Is it also with your doctors, but with ours is so, that you have to go to the toilet, the real deal! at least once before they release you from the hospital. Now, I have problems with my digestion in general. So, doing it in hospital, within two days, was a BIG challenge for me. Imagine my thrill when I did it the second day in the morning!

Nurse: Do you need any laxative?

Me: (with all the excitement in me): No, I just went!! Yes!

And so did my dignity. Out the window, again!

So, that was my best of collection. What are your memories, that you find funny now, but were not as funny back then? Share with us!

Run Jump Scrap!
Cuddle Fairy
Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com
Mummuddlingthrough
Diary of an imperfect mumPick N Mix FridaysLife Love and Dirty Dishes

29 thoughts on “Best of: giving birth and the day after

  1. Dignity well and truly goes out of the window doesn’t it? haha. And your hubby reminded me of mine when I was in labour with my second. I wanted to stay home and deal with as much as I could at home before going into hospital, and so he was playing FIFA on the PlayStation, he’s not usually someone that plays a lot of computer games, he doesn’t have the time, but he got too into it that when I told him we needed to think about going, he told me he was ‘about to win the league and needed to finish the game’ Erm, sorry what?? haha. #bestandworst

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  2. I love how you have concentrated all the good bits in this post…love your sense of humour about the whole ordeal – if you can’t laugh what else can you do! I’m glad you found your uterus!
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub

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  3. Haha this is great! Yup, zero dignity left. At least nothing else can ever seem quite as embarassing as the series of events before, during and after birth. #brillblogposts

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  4. Without doubt the most humiliating experiences of my life on so many levels and not sure I can share them online but definitely doctors hand trying to turn my breech baby is up there, along with lots of blood stories and as for the groups of teaching students – I was not as accommodating as you and I think NO was in there somewhere. I love a good birthing story! #coolmumclub

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    • It’s funny, how at some point you just don’t care anymore what the doctors see. Humiliation somehow becomes part of the experience and you don’t see it that way at some point – or your brains try to block it out, for your own sake;)) If you decide to share, I would love to read it;)

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  5. After having a baby I lost all inhibitions. No-one and nothing quite prepares you for an internal examnation! Great post! 🌟 Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime

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  6. Haha so funny! With my first they took the gas and air off me for the most painful part – getting her almost 9lb body out, for both babies no one believed me that I wasn’t pushing as I ‘wasn’t dismayed enough?!’ So I thought yeah whatever I’ll just do it on my own – then they all realised I actually knew what o was talking about and went into overdrive to get everything ready! #picknmix

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    • Hahaha..My God! With my second child I litteraly gave birth by myself – they left me for an hour because they had something to do! And I thought “Well, these are some painful contractions!” And guess what – my baby girl was out before midwife put on her gloves!:)))

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