The naked truth 3: #sexlife after kids

Are you ready for this episode of the naked truth? As we will literally get naked while I’ll be sharing my thoughts and experiences from my sex-life after kids. This should be good, right?!

Are you thinking that everything is perfectly fine in your bedroom? Are you thinking that no sex life is completely natural for couples that have kids? Are you thinking that your husband doesn’t mind going dry for a week, two, three? Do you find yourself thinking about housework during sex?!

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Well, my ladies, you’re not alone and you’re in denial. As we all are or were at some point on our parenting path. But not to worry, things do change, but only if you want them to change. But that’s material of my posts Bedroom Thrills 1 and Bedroom Thrills 2. Feel free to read them after this one!

So, sex life after kids. Who knew that things will change so dramatically?!

No.1 Cuddle

It has a completely new meaning. It used to be a foreplay, leading to amazing love-making. Now, it’s the best way for me to FALL ASLEEP! And I’m pretty sure that is NOT how my hubby feels about it!

No.2 Massage vs sex – now, that’s not a real question, is it?!

It really isn’t fair, while massage wins almost every time. It’s like a cuddle with benefit! It feels so good, it relaxes me completely. But after it, I am of no use at all. But it is true, we haven’t had the chance to try the tantric massage yet. I am curious how it works, so if any of you have experience with it (and didn’t fall asleep during it), please let me know!

No.3 Red, red wine

Haha…raise your hand who doesn’t drink wine at least twice a week! Why not??! Secret tip: a glass or two and you’ll be up for it (sex I mean) too! Try it! But warning – there’s a thin line between going kinky on your man and falling asleep after a few sips of wine!

No.4 Cartoon sex

You know what that is? No? Well, let’s bring the adventure into your life! It’s morning, you and your hubby still in bed, he pulls you closer, starts caressing you..And then – doors slam and then open, loud screams approaching you, steps coming closer and closer, the doors open – and there they are – your precious ones. Oh, what a joy – but wrong timing. What to do? Cartoons! Put them on loud, close the door, and start counting down 15 minutes that you have! Welcome to CARTOON SEX!

No.5 Mummy and daddy are cleaning the room

Ever done this? It’s really adventures! You locate your kids and analyze what they are doing, calculate how much time you have if you leave them alone. Then choose a room in which they probably will not go to in the next 10 minutes. But in case they start missing you, tell them that mummy and daddy have to go clean up the kitchen or bathroom or bedroom or their room – which ever room has doors! – don’t forget that one! and that they cannot come into that room just for a little while. And there you have it – ROOMCLEANING SEX!

No.6 Mummysutra + daddysutra ≠Kamasutra

How many positions do you practice in your bedroom adventures? There were times at the beginning of our parenting path, when missionary (position) was the rule and everything and all. Boring, right? I admit, we now (after 6 years) have our favorite 4!  But you know, after a glass or two, my body does show some signs of a “wanna be”gymnast, but still the side effects the next morning remind me :”Not doing that again anytime soon!” Kamasutra is not for people after 35!;)

No.7 The wondering mind of a mom

You know what that is, right? It’s when your mind starts to wonder off right in the middle of your love-making. I hate it, but somehow I cannot help it. “Yes, baby , I like it just like that, keep going” (but in my mind is – how can I make that stain go away?, what will I cook for dinner?, what will be my next blog post about?, I have to lose 5 pounds in the next month). I wonder what he’s thinking about?!

No.8 I want to look SEXY HOT!

For that occasion, I bought myself a few lingerie pieces (with my hubby making the picks with me of course) for a bit of spice and variety and fun. But never did I imagine, how much struggle it would be, getting it on! You see, when you look at the models, everything looks perfect, right? Then, what are this little pieces of lace that would fit only a Barbie, doing in my hands? I didn’t order that! I ordered L size just in case! And how do I place all this strips right? It looks painful! Thank God, naked is always a good alternative for my hubby!;)

No.9 Technical difficulties

Have you noticed that after giving birth, especially if more than once, your “road” became wider? Before it was a bob-sleigh track with a minivan driving trough it. Now it’s a 4 zone highway but the car remained the same…Not quite the same feeling, right? Well, this is where Kegel exercises, everyone is telling you about, come in handy! Squeezing really helps, not only for intimate pleasure but it also truly benefits your continence.

And there are also two positions and one move that can boost your pleasure! Wanna know?;)

OK, that’s it! Now it’s your turn! Do you dare? Your comments, my pleasure;)

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43 thoughts on “The naked truth 3: #sexlife after kids

  1. You’re totally right about the massage thing – a massage wins over sex every time, especially since I always have back pain thanks to the fact that I have to carry my increasingly large toddler everywhere. And it’s hard to get the balance right with wine – any more than a glass or two and I’m likely to fall asleep! #FridayFrolics

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  2. Weirdly in our household its actually usually me that wants it more than my man… but i think thats is because we tend to get into the same old ‘routine’ of… go to bed… maybe have a fondle… and to be fair it gets boring! I think we need to start trying your 10 minute danger zone tip and the cartoon sex thing… haha! Wish me luck 😉 #coolmumclub

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  3. Pingback: The Naked truth 4: about #Life | Chilli Regina

  4. Cartoon and cleaning room sex! Hilarious! Never tried either of these, we are boring and wait till she’s gone to bed! I think there are too many things that could go wrong with danger sex, my main worry that daughter would stab a dog in an eye and get nipped – I’d be worrying too much to enjoy it! Haha! #KCACOLS

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  5. Pingback: The naked truth 5: about #Motherhood | Chilli Regina

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